My life

We grow up knowing how hard life is. I remember when i was young my papa used to work in an insurance company. Then he lost the job. We were just kids then, parents decided to cook food and sell for students just outside our house. Mama and papa help each other, they were two simple people making a way to hurdle life's hardships... They didn't show how hard it is, they just work and work and i saw how they live life having no qualms in the world having simple things in life... My papa smiles a lot and throw jokes as if life is beautiful. Making ends meet despite the situation... way back then, I personally haven't felt poverty in our simple life.

Maybe its a tough life for my parents, they are fighting to live and thats what counts in life. To live well as a humans, to do well for your children and set a a good example... that maybe followed by the later generation.

I went off to a public school when i was in high school. We cant even afford to buy a new shoes, a family friend of my mom was kind enough to give an old black shoe to me then.
 I remembered my shoe having a hole at the soles, i just disregarded that and just wished it wouldn't rain.
Unfortunately one day it rained, water seeped inside my socks and it smells.
But then again, "beggars cant be choosers".
Life has it's moment.

There was this deepest recession in our life when we have to borrow rice to a neighbor, way back then, i felt so embarashed.
But i have no choice.

I know how it felt having nothing, and how it felt controlling my desires.

I didn't join our Engineering field trip way back College because i know my parent's can't afford it.
 I decided not to go on my own and don't tell mom.

I conditioned myself, and it doesn't hurt.
I worked my way after college and was thankful for any job opportunity that comes my way easy...
Sometimes, It felt like somebody,
good spirits is conspiringand helping me,
guiding me forward, maybe its my papa soul ( My father passed away way back when i was about to graduate in College.)
.My Father always helped me in everything.
I love my papa so much, In his own little way, he loves me and always being there for me no matter what.

Remembering when he passed away, it was the lowest times of my life.
Tears drops down uncontrollably, and i cried more behind the eyes of everyone, i hate showing my emotions.
I was taught by my Papa not to be a cry baby.
If only i can take his place, i will.
I am nothing compared to him,
 i haven't proven anything yet.

I can feel that God and Papa's soul is still there guiding me, helping me to be of help to my mama... my family and to be a strong foundation for Kelsey.

I remember seeing papa last year in my dreams,
i don't know why he is so busy...
Maybe he wants to tell me something.

I wanna work and do something worth it and be of help.
I don't care for myself much...
Its my family and my mom and Kelsey whom the priority of my life.

I just wanted them to live comfortable and well.
My mama is old now.
We have gone through a lot in life,
 and life itself toughens and chiseled me to be the person that i am right now.

I am here because i have to,
 i am here because i am needed,
i have to strive,
i have to build a foundation for my family for tomorrow...
That they won't be blown away by life's difficulties.

There life is there own, mine too.
Mine isn't stable yet, but it will be
and i will promise papa i will stand strong even in difficulties, failures and depression.

So help me God.


Merce